So as I write this I am a little confused, overwhelmed, frustrated, calm, relaxed and happy, it’s quite the mix. Makes it hard to focus sometimes. I’ve been told to trust the process, I keep at the exercises and assignments wanting so desperately for everything to kick in, kind of like the flick of a light switch, but right now I feel more like a car well overdue for service just not firing on all cylinders. Part of me thinks “what’s going on, why is it not working properly?” But then what is “properly”? If I’ve never been running smoothly for a very long time how am I to know what that should feel like?
One thing that I have learned is that repetition is the mother of skill, having things posted in areas of the house to serve as triggers to repeatedly remind me of what I want to do helps reinforce the repetition required in forming new habits. If someone were to come and visit they might think that I suffer from some form of amnesia, but then I guess I sort of am. Trying to find or rediscover my true bliss or definite purpose in life, reconnect with myself, or rediscover something long forgotten kind of seems that way sometimes, again something that I am learning is part of the process…
But the other important part in creating something new is the ability to visualize it. Haanel states in Part Seven of the Master Keys that “Visualization is the process of making mental images, and the image is the mold or model which will serve as the pattern from which your future will emerge.” My ability to do this has been less than successful. Nothing consistent, just little bits here and there…
And yet as my challenges of visualization have been just that… challenging, I know that things are getting better because I don’t dwell on negative things as long as I used to anymore, where it used to be hours or days, it’s only moments, seconds, sometimes minutes. This was one of my worst habits.
Two things that I do remind myself of constantly come from two of the many people that have been a great help to me over the past nine weeks in this course for which I am very thankful for. The first one is from Mark,
“…Be the observer and evaluate, without judgment, the progress you are making. It gets down for all of us… to one simple thing. Do you believe, can you see you are growing? Implanting and growing new habits in your mind alters behavior and the results we desire always follow behavioral shifts. Keep implementing and reinforcing new thought habits and abstain from measuring results…”
The second is from Patty
“… Just keep asking yourself: What do I want? How will it feel? What will it look like when I have it?
I continue to dig in, do my best, trust the process, and enjoy the journey.